Willing Suspension of Disbelief
>> Wednesday, September 3, 2008
I'm happy, of course, but I'm not as over-the-moon joyful as I think I should be. The truth is that I'm skeptical. Skeptical and scared. After all these months, is this really it? Will this be my healthy baby? I've heard so many sad stories — including stories that started with a good strong beta, I might add — and I had a chemical pregnancy myself just a few months ago. Why should I believe that this will turn out differently? I've never been a superstitious person, and always rolled my eyes at the thought of jinxes, but at this moment I am afraid that believing in it too much just might be tempting fate to take it away.
So here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to pretend my life is a work of fiction, and the plot has just taken a weird and wonderful turn. I'm still enjoying the story, very much so, but if I think about it too much I could easily pull apart the plot and expose its holes. Instead, I've made a conscious decision not to ruin it. I've willingly suspended my disbelief.
My first ultrasound is on September 25. It can't come soon enough!
2 comments:
I think it's so normal for us "infertile" girls to be skeptical throughout the whole process, and it carries over into pregnancy too, it's like our curse! But I will be praying for you, and your BABY! Congradulations!!
I felt the same way for a long time. Even last night sitting in my BIRTHING CLASS, I said "if I make it to viability" (one week, one day away). Infertility leaves you waiting for the second shoe to drop.
I am praying for this to be your healthy baby. (((((HUGS)))))
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