Sooo...

>> Thursday, March 31, 2011

I feel like I should share that earlier this week I abruptly decided to call off TTC#2 for now. I let baby fever get the best of me. My husband was never really on board, but I sort of steamrolled over his concerns. And I cried to get my way. (Not really; I was honestly upset as we talked about the possibility of never having another child. I can't help it if my tears swayed him.)

But as things started to progress — as we met with the new RE and started testing — I started to get nervous and have doubts of my own. I wanted DH to reassure me, but he couldn't. We were, after all, moving ahead because I had insisted that everything would be okay.

I finally realized about a week ago that I was being selfish and unfair, and I decided to call it off. It was not an easy decision to make. I cried. A lot. But after a few days I think I found some peace in the decision. We are not closing the door on having another baby. For now we have agreed to reassess in January. I'm not sure if anything will have changed by then, but you never know, right? For example, we could win the lottery.

What? It could happen.

The bottom line is that Andrew gets to be an only child for at least another year and a half. Maybe that's not such a bad thing.

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Hugs

Today my sweet boy was much more affectionate with me than usual. Maybe it was because we switched daycare days this week, and after two days in a row apart from me he was feeling a little clingy. I don't know. But I soaked it up.

We went to the mall this morning, and as I was lifting him from stroller to car seat, he wrapped his little arms around my neck and put his head on my shoulder. I held him tighter, pressed my cheek against his head, and closed my eyes. Now, I know he was probably just sleepy, but for me the whole world faded away and I stood there for several minutes in the busy, slightly drizzly parking lot, just holding my baby and feeling so full of love and peace.

I had been feeling a little bit grumpy — I was tired and was bitter about spending too much money on not-fun things at the mall — but those few moments soothed me, cleared away the fog, and I felt much lighter as I got in the car.

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22 months!

>> Thursday, March 24, 2011

Another month, another update. This month our big adventure was a five-hour road trip to attend my cousin's wedding reception. Andrew was so good during the drive. Somehow he slept most of the way there and about half of the way home. The rest of the way we kept him entertained with a steady stream of Wiggles songs. The wedding reception itself was hard on him, partly because it didn't start until past his bedtime. About an hour in, the poor kid was sitting on Daddy's lap, leaning back and sucking his thumb, and quietly saying "woo hoo" over and over. LOL! We ended up leaving by 10:30. And we paid the price. His sleep that night was horrible and he was up for the day by 4:00 a.m. It was nice to see everyone, though, and I made promises to come back soon.

What else? He had his first meeting with the hair clippers. He sat quietly and calmly on my lap the entire time the stylist was working. I have a hard time adjusting to his short hair after every cut — he looks so much older. I look forward to when it grows out just a bit. Still, he's pretty darn cute. Just look at that face!

Andrew at 22 months: He's going through a very shy phase, apparently. It takes him a few minutes (but just a few) to warm up to visitors to our home. Sometimes he'll say "hi" or "bye" to strangers in public places, but only if he's secure in my arms or in his stroller. He won't walk in public places at all. If I try to put him down on the sidewalk, for example, he refuses to take a step and cries for me to pick him up. I took him to the park one nice day and he wouldn't let me put him down. I don't get it. I hope it's something he grows out of soon. It makes me kind of sad.

Eating: Some days he eats more than I think possible and some days he eats very little. His current favourites seem to be pasta, yogurt, goldfish crackers, cheerios, and applesauce. That's about all that he will eat reliably. He doesn't seem to like cheese anymore, whereas he used to flip for it, and he no longer loves his veggies, either. He does still love his milk, thankfully. He often chews stuff up, spits it out, then puts more of the same in his mouth, chews it up, spits it out, etc. Very frustrating. I found a way to prepare his oatmeal so that he'll usually eat it -- mix it with half a banana and a half-teaspoon of molasses (a Wee.licious recipe). We also had some success with Wee.licious's spinach smoothie, which is awesome!

Play: He is all about the cars. He kept stealing dinky cars from daycare, so we finally caved and bought him some of his own, including three Cars cars, and they are now his favourites. He has a FP garage/ramp that he can play with for ages. We're starting to read more regularly again, which makes me very happy. He still loves his monkey, but he doesn't feel the need to carry him around anymore... because instead he likes to have a car in each hand when we go out. He does still love monkey when he's really tired or upset. He loves to climb up onto our bed and jump and flop around (with me as spotter, of course).

Cuteness: Sometimes he asks what we're doing ("Whayoodoin', Munny?") over and over. I just love his little voice. He's also been saying "wait a minute" and "hold on." Today he kept saying "Listen. Hear that? Owls!" Not sure what's up with the owls, but it had me cracking up all day.

I may have gotten overzealous with the classes this spring. I guess I was just so sick of being cooped up indoors all winter that getting out every day seemed like a great idea. So, starting in April, we have swimming on Mondays, "creative playtime" on Tuesdays, and storytime at the library on Thursdays. He's still going to daycare on Wednesdays and Fridays and still doing very well there. It's going to be a busy and fun couple of months.

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Motivation?

>> Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Still no progress on the weight loss front.

I read a story yesterday about a woman who lost 65 pounds in six months just by walking during her lunch break and drinking water instead of pop. Easy peasy! On the one hand I find that really inspirational, but on the other I think that couldn't possibly work for me. Why do I think that? I don't know. Just the defeatist attitude I've been dealing with.

But let's think about this some more. I don't drink pop, but I could limit myself to just one cup of tea instead of five or six, eliminating as much as 175 calories per day! (I need to drink more water anyway, and there are other reasons I should be limiting caffeine intake.) And I could certainly do more walking. Now that it's almost spring I don't really have any excuse not to get out there. A mere 20-minute walk could burn 100 calories.

Um, wait a minute. So with those two small changes I'm already down 275 calories per day, or 1925 calories per week. That's slightly more than half a pound a week with almost no effort. That's not much but it's something.

What if I walked for 40 minutes? What if I could make other small dietary changes? It doesn't have to be difficult. Why have I been making it so complicated?

What's that I hear? Is it... could it be... motivation knocking at my door?

Why, hello, stranger! I've been waiting for you for a long time.

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Here we go again

>> Monday, March 7, 2011

I promise I'm not going to do a whole play-by-play on the TTC#2 front, but I thought I'd share that we had our first appointment with the new RE last week and testing is underway. We are not going to spend a lot of money on this. For now the plan is to try femara and only femara. In fact, at this point DH is not even on board to try IUI, so my hopes are pinned on femara with timed intercourse. And if it doesn't work in a few cycles, I have to be prepared to walk away from treatment and let nature take its course.

One interesting thing the new RE said: I had been convinced that, because I got my first ever BFP immediately after my laparoscopy, the removal of my minor endometriosis was key in my son's conception. The new RE reminded me that a couple of other procedures would have been done at the same time as the lap — I believe in my case it was a dye injection, hysteroscopy, and D&C — and it could have been one of those procedures that did the trick. It's possible that the endo had nothing to do with it at all.

I have only told one friend IRL about starting treatment again. I feel like I talked excessively about TTC the first time around. My mom and others heard waaayyy more than they needed to know, but it was always on my mind and I couldn't seem to keep it from spilling out of my mouth. I am terrible at keeping secrets, but it would be really awesome if this time I could surprise my family.

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