Consistency Is Good

Andrew had his checkup this morning and all is well. He is just below the 50th percentile for weight, which is exactly consistent with his two-month stats, so his gain has been fine and as usual I was worrying over nothing. I think he is just a bit of a light eater. Holding him down for his shots was traumatic! He cried and cried, then fell asleep and has been sleeping ever since. Poor monkey.

Our drive home yesterday was fine, but then he was cranky all evening. Poor Daddy didn't get any smiles when he got home from work.

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Just Visiting

Andrew and I went on quite the road trip yesterday, just the two of us. What would usually be a 4.5-hour drive turned into a 6.5-hour drive as I made frequent stops to get the poor little guy out of his car seat and to feed and change him. It wasn't as bad as I'd feared it would be. Andrew was a trooper and only cried a little bit. When we arrived, he met his great-grandmother for the first time and was at his charming best, talking and smiling away for her. I'm so glad. We're here till Tuesday. Keep your fingers crossed for me that the trip home will be as uneventful as the drive up.

Oh, I should update on the breastfeeding situation. I was close to cancelling this trip but things improved drastically starting on Sunday. He hasn't refused a feeding in a week. He still fusses and pulls off, and I'm not entirely sure he's getting enough to eat, but he's having plenty of wet diapers and seems content. I gave him a bottle this afternoon just to ease my mind. I will discuss my concerns at his four-month checkup on Wednesday.

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Walking Around Naked

That's how I have to feed my baby, it seems. I read the suggestion in a book and thought it sounded crazy — why on earth would that work? But it does. We've done it a twice now (okay, fine, let's try it naked), and he latches on while I'm standing and then after a minute allows me to sit and nurse him as usual. Weirdo. I don't know if it'll work every time he resists, but I'm glad to have found something...

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More Breastfeeding Woes

Things were going really well for a while there, but now I just don't know. He seems to be fine, but I don't see how he can possibly be getting enough in his five feedings. Here's our nursing schedule:

- upon waking in the morning
- after each nap (3 or sometimes 4)
- once sometime during the night (he will occasionally STTN and miss this one)

He's still only awake for two hours at a time and I can't get him to nurse twice during one waking period. I could accept that five feedings might be enough IF they were all good feedings, but they're often not. The nighttime and first morning feeding are usually excellent, but the after-nap sessions are often troubled by one of two problems:

1) Suck, suck, pull off and cry, relatch quickly, suck, suck, repeat.
2) Complete refusal to take the nipple at all. Scream and arch back.

The first reaction leads me to believe I'm having supply issues. (I've been on domperidone for three months, thanks to the breastfeeding clinic I went to when Andrew was a tiny baby, and was trying to wean off of it, so this is entirely possible.)

The second reaction just baffles me.

Oh, I should add that he's more than willing to take a bottle of breastmilk after either of the two negative reactions. He doesn't spit up excessively. He has plenty of wet diapers, and I think he's gaining weight at about one pound a month, which seems to be acceptable. I'll have to confirm this at his four-month appointment on September 30.

Wish this could be easier. Anyone have any thoughts on what could be going on here?

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LOVE

Because it's been a little while since I've posted a pic...

Andrew often greets me with this face when I rescue him from his crib after a nap. Melts my heart every time!



We did a little photo shoot with his teddy bears.



He still loves his thumb.

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Tough Decisions

I think we've made a very big decision, but I keep second-guessing it because it's a scary one. I just don't know how to make a decision like this.

Here it is: I don't think I'm going back to work after my leave. How am I supposed to leave my baby to go back to a job that bores me to tears? Not to mention the fact that my job description likely will be changing for the worse while I'm off. And that daycare likely will cost more than half my take-home income. Is it worth it? I'm pretty sure it's not... Also, if I do want a spot in a daycare centre, I should be arranging it, like, now — if not about six months ago.

Also, I hope to start TTC for baby #2 around the same time I'd be returning to work, which seems like I'm being a rather poor employee considering that I got pregnant within two months of starting there. (Keep in mind, my American friends, that maternity leave here is one year: I worked there for 10 months, took a year off, then hope to be having another baby and taking another year off ASAP. Bad employee.)

Keith's income covers our bills and basic living expenses with nothing to spare. Anything I bring in would be for discretional spending and savings. I hope to be able to earn some money as a freelancer, but obviously that wouldn't be reliable income. Scary!

Am I selfish for wanting to stay home? Is this the right decision for my family, or am I endangering our financial well-being for all the wrong reasons? I can't tell. Is it even the best thing for Andrew? Maybe he'd benefit from daycare. I don't know!

I don't know how to make this decision. Keith tells me I should not return to work, but he's rather flippant about it. The real weight of it is on my shoulders.

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