The Honeymoon Is Over

Don't worry, my marriage is fine; I'm referring to my new job. Just 2.5 months in, I'm realizing that I'm not going to be happy there. At first I was simply relieved to have left my old job, and then I was overwhelmed with learning new stuff, and briefly I was even enjoying using my new knowledge... but now it's just tedious and the days are dragging by so slowly. Especially since my boss reassigned the one product that was different — the one I actually enjoyed working on — saying that she was evening out workload. (Even though she said it wasn't meant to be a criticism, a part of me definitely took it as one.)

So, here I am, thirty years old, with no idea what I want to do with my life. I have no idea what kind of job I would actually enjoy. I feel like I'm not particularly good at anything, and I have few interests. I'm looking towards the next thirty-five years of my working life with confusion and dread.

In TTC news, I had my 7DPO bloodwork today, which confirmed ovulation. I'm supposed to go in for a beta on Tuesday if I don't have my period yet. I might call back and change that to later in the week; Tuesday is really the earliest I think AF might show.

Oh yeah, I asked Dr. L why he didn't trigger me, and he explained that even though my follicle was 20mm+ a few days before o, my estrogen wasn't high enough to indicate that it was mature. He assured me it was a fine follicle, not too big, not too old, and that I have a good chance this cycle.

Hey, do you think sharp stomach pains and weird cramping could be a symptom of implantation? Nah, me neither.

(P.S. Thanks so much to those who commented on my hair poll last week. I'm a little embarrassed of it, though, and so tonight I deleted it. I ended up getting side bangs, but I can't figure out how to style them to make them look like bangs. The stylist insisted on lots of layering and a "V" at the back. The result? Doesn't look a whole lot different than before. Sigh.)

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Attack of the Monster Follicle

All my worry about timing was for naught. Would you believe I still haven't ovulated? I have one monster follicle in there. But why is it still in there? Here's a recap:

CD11: no follicles, lining at 3mm
CD14: follicle at 13mm, lining at 5mm
CD17: follicle at 20x14x13mm,* lining at 8mm
CD18: follicle at 21x16x15mm, lining at 9mm
CD19: follicle at 21x18x20mm, lining at 10mm
CD21: follicle at 25x23x20mm, lining at 11mm

So here's my new worry (because I must always worry about something). Am I overcooking it? I feel like it was big enough to go two or three days ago.** I've never seen anything bigger than 21 via ultrasound before, so 25 seems huge to me! Will it be stale and overripe by the time it releases? I've read that quality of both follicle and lining deteriorate after CD21.

Anyway. I'm done with monitoring for this cycle. (Yesterday when I got home from OOT, just for fun, I POAOPK for the first time on one of the 50 Internet cheapies I bought and got an almost-positive. Exciting stuff!) I should finally ovulate today or tomorrow.

* All three measurements refer to one follicle. The u/s tech gives me three measurements for follicles over a certain size, so I get a 3D effect. On CD17, for example, I commented that my follicle was weirdly oblong, and I was assured that shape doesn't matter.

** EDIT in response to comments: I don't know why we didn't trigger. It was a natural cycle and I guess Dr. L figured it would happen in its own time. Interestingly, though, I looked back through my notes and was reminded that he wrote me a prescription for a trigger I didn't end up needing back in November when we discovered by chance that I was about to ovulate on my own, so he's not opposed to triggering on a natural cycle. I guess he just wasn't concerned. If this happens next cycle I will definitely suggest triggering.

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Looks Good but the Timing Sucks

This morning my lining was 9mm, and my follicle was 21 by 15 by 16. I thought for sure I'd be surging, but apparently not. When I got the call from my RE's office, the instructions were simply to come in for monitoring again tomorrow. Bummer. If my LH had been surging I would have been told to have intercourse tonight.

So, I'm expecting that tomorrow, while I'm on a Greyhound headed out of town, without Keith, I will get the call from my RE's office telling me to have intercourse that night. The one night in the entire month — heck, the one night in many months — that we won't be together.

We're going to have intercourse late tonight and then again when I get home on Sunday evening and hope that covers the weekend. It'll be good enough, right?

*crossing my fingers*

Here's a picture from last weekend at my friend's cottage:

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Natural Cycle #1

Well, natural cycle #1 is progressing just fine. CD11 monitoring showed lining at 3mm and no follicles. CD14 monitoring (Monday) showed lining at 5mm and one follicle at 13mm. I should ovulate on Friday or Saturday, which is on pace to match my early ovulation record set last cycle. Can I really count on my ovaries to perform every cycle? Oh, wondrous thought. Maybe I won't bother with monitoring next cycle. Maybe I'll rely on temps and OPKs like a normal person.

I'm trying to figure out how I feel about these natural cycles. I'm really neither optimistic nor pessimistic. Apparently I'm indifferent. I think I'll probably just shrug if I get a BFN this month. I guess I'm just patiently waiting out these natural cycles my RE so highly recommends.

Hmm, that sounded a little like pessimism, didn't it?

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Cats and Dogs

Wherever I go, I take pictures of the resident beasts. Since I don't have much to talk about, here's some pictures. (They're all small in terms of file size, so I hope they don't cause download problems for anyone.) Enjoy!

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