My feelings are hurt

Andrew is currently going through a big Daddy phase. He asks for Daddy all day, and when Daddy is home, he wants nothing to do with me. He gets mad if I come into his room while he's playing with Daddy, to the extent of having a full-blown tantrum. He physically pushes me away. Sometimes, if he's feeling lazy or too busy playing, he'll just throw me a dirty look and say "push." Meaning "go away." The other night he didn't even want me at bedtime! That's always Mommy time! I was crushed. (I suppose it's good, though, that Daddy does the bedtime routine once in a while.)

But then sometimes I feel like it's not just about preferring Daddy: he doesn't like me! He used to cry when I left him at daycare. Now he ignores me when I kiss him goodbye. I know this, too, is a good thing; obviously he likes daycare. I certainly don't want him to cry, but a hug or even a "bye Munny" would be really nice. Even worse, he doesn't react when I come to pick him up. When I got there on Wednesday, I rushed over to him and asked for a hug. He barely glanced at me and walked away. One of the other kids came over and hugged me instead, lol.

I know, I know, this is normal toddler stuff. But man, it sucks. He is my whole world, and he breaks my heart every single day. I have a feeling he always will.

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Real kisses!

I never thought I'd be so delighted to have large quantities of drool smeared across my cheek.

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I will

• continue to make a meal plan each week and cook dinner each night for my family.
• keep on top of the dishes and cleaning.
• strictly stick to our monthly budget.
  
• be more disciplined in my work habits.
  
• come up with fun indoor activities to do with Andrew to get us through the winter.
• work on losing weight ... being deliberately vague here ... but I will.
• try to be happier and healthier in general.
  

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Sweet moment

Andrew and I had the best moment the other night, when I was rocking him before bed. I was singing his usual lullabyes and looked down to find him staring at me with a huge grin on his face. I smiled back, and he giggled, so I squeezed him and said "I love you, baby" and he laughed, so I gave him a big noisy kiss on the cheek and he laughed harder. We just had a great little gigglefest, even though I knew it would make it harder to get him to sleep. I kept trying to sober up, but every time I looked down at his smiling face we'd both start giggling again. I have no idea what was so funny. It was awesome. :)

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Hitting my stride

My parental leave is up this week. In a parallel universe, I'm getting ready to return to work and bursting into tears every time I think about being away from my baby all day. In this universe, I'm delighted to be carrying on as a stay-at-home mom. I have a regular freelance gig that'll bring in enough money to make ends meet, and my former employer just asked if I'd like to do freelance work for them as well! I may find myself working some late nights — I have no illusions about being productive while Andrew's awake — but it'll be so worth it.

Andrew is an absolute joy these days. Ever since we moved last month and he got his own bedroom, he's been sleeping 11-12 hours every night and usually napping well too. At last! Hallelujah! He's very vocal; I love his hilarious babbling and the dramatic hand gestures that often accompany it. When he stands on his own he looks so triumphant and proud of himself. He's going to be walking soon! My baby... almost a toddler. *sniff*

We have a nice little routine going. We enjoy our weekly community centre classes (this session it's swimming and music), we go for walks and trips to the park, and sometimes I manage to get stuff done while he naps. For the first time in my short motherhood, I'm feeling pretty good about things. For the most part I feel like I know what I'm doing, and like maybe, just maybe, I'm even doing a good job. It's easy when (dare I say it?) I have such a good baby. I know I could find myself singing a different tune in a couple of weeks, but for now I'm going to enjoy this feeling. It only took me a year to get here.

Life is good.

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