Musings

Do you ever wonder WHY?

Why, oh why, is it so important to me that I procreate? Are my genes really so awesome that I need to pass them on? Life would be simpler if I didn't want kids or, better, if I didn't mind either way. But I do want a baby so very much. WHY? Is it merely a biological drive? A result of social conditioning (you get married and then you have kids; it's just what you do)? I'm sure both of these things play a role, but there must be more, right?

We're talking about an urge so strong that it has obsessed me, on a daily basis, for well over a year now. It is so powerful that it drives us to spend thousands of dollars and go through various painful and time-consuming procedures and to keep on going like the Energizer bunny despite repeated disappointments. WHY?

Here's something: I can imagine our future without children, and let me tell you — it's boring! I guess a nicer way to say this is that I feel unfulfilled. There's a voice in my head saying, "There must be more to life than this." I imagine having a child will fill this giant void and complete me in a way nothing else ever can.

Is this reason good enough? Is it selfish? Does it even matter? Whatever the reason, I know I will keep on going for a long time yet. I will keep on hoping and praying (in my own way) until I have a baby in my arms.